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The Culture of Mitt Romney

This page here has jokes and comedy and doesn’t contain any bias or conservative or any political party/religious point of views on the topic of Mitt Romney. So you can bash the page with hateful comments which we do not care if you hate or love Romney. Please be advised to enjoy the comedy we have worked our butts off providing this to you! Enjoy!

This page is about the popular culture surrounding Mitt Romney. For the non-existing category click here and here.

Anybody have heard of man named Mitt Romney? Well we haven’t up until he decided to run against our President for Life, Barack Obama in 2012. But aside from that there are some interesting facts about him that you will be surprised to learn about.

His full name is Mitten “Mitt” Romney. He was born in Mexico where he believed as a young child to run for president of America and lose twice in 4 separate years of each of the elections. Overtime after immigrating to the U.S. he became rich as he became head of business called Bain Capital and it’s affiliate Bain & Company. As head of the company as its vice president he fired many Americans since they didn’t speak Spanish well and were not pure Mexicans as he was. He worked there for 15 years from 1978-1993. He left to run for representing Massachusetts in Senate but lost to a white American.

He later moved on to being a sports representative in 2002 Winter Olympics for the Salt Lake Organizing Committee for the Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games of 2002. It was a failure before he joined but turned it around as being the President and CEO of the company. His motive was as he told members of his company to win because he needed money. His official words were “If you people don’t start winning my money will be going down the drain if I don’t have my car elevator budget in order”. So after threatening them about money they finally had success for the years to come after he collected his millions and he left the company and moved on to be a more horrible politician.

Romney speaking to his Olympics team about needing the money by using the force of threat.

Romney lighting the flame of Mormon power to save his journey through the Olympics.

Political Life

Mitt ran for governor of Massachusetts and won saying the Mexicans will take over the state before they would do with the rest of the United States. When he said that he hid his identity of being a pure born Mexican. After he convinced the voters and won the race he was asked by the people of the state to stop the Mexicans but he didn’t and it put the people shocked that he lied to them about planning to invade the nation. He would later betray his people as he laid off millions of Mexicans out of a job as the unemployment of Mexicans rose to a 1% amount higher than the value of a Mexican peso.

Mexican President for Life

From January 2, 2003 to January 4, 2007 he served as the second Mexican governor anywhere in U.S. history. His portrait is known as “Mexican President for Life”. His father who was also Mexican had a similar portrait just like it. His father George W. Romney was born in Mexico and was also a politician just like his son. When he became governor of Michigan he became the first Mexican President for life and first Mexican governor anywhere in U.S. history. His father was President from January 1, 1963 till his death in July 26, 1995. Mexico later had to go back to normal type of presidents up until Mitt became governor of Massachusetts from January 2, 2003 – January 4, 2007. But before he won that race Mexico’s regular president types were overthrown by the people of the country. In a conflict that lasted for 12 days on the Mexican calendar called the Mexican Mormon War. It ended on News Year Day 2003 one day before Romney began his term.

Mexican President for Life

The war in Mexico was the first time that a war broke out for a president. It never happened when George Romney took office because he simply understood the life of Mexicans which meant eating Tacos all day, every day. For information on the war see it below. So despite his 2 losing attempts to be president he still remained in office in Mexico.

Mexican Mormon War
Date December 20, 2002 – January 1, 2003
Location Mexico
Result Mitt Romney becomes Mexican President for Life. Overthrow of unknown Mexican presidents. Romney president of Mexico for life from January 1, 2003 – present.
Territorial
changes
None: Mexican status quo
Combatants
  • Mexicans
  • Mitt Romney
  • Unknown Presidents
  • Mexican Forces:
  • Army
  • Marines
  • Air Force
Strength
Millions of people with Tacos Military with 100 total in each sector
Casualties
Military dead:

  • Mexican Army: 0
  • Mexican Marines: 0
  • Mexican Air Force: SSgt Juan Rodriguez (1-fell trying to catch a taco thrown by the people)

Protesters

  • Mexican People: 11 taco vendors killed in ambush
  • Taco Bell: 17 factories destroyed
  • Taco Bell phone service: 14,000 lines cut and 80 operation headquarters taken over as Military bases
  • Drug Cartels: Ended after Army used all their drug supplies to be sold for Colombian cartels. People behind them were killed for trying to eat tacos. Everyone involved were killed.

Civilian dead:

  • 170

Total dead: 199 (Drug Cartels and Taco Bell/phone headquarters don’t count)

Personal Life

Romney married a woman who would be his wife called Ann Romney who was a former call-girl, showgirl in Vegas, and prostitute who had a pretty slutty face but got old and turned ugly. Together they have 5 sons whose names are

For more of his family see it here.

Hair Care Products

Mitten uses a ton of hair care material to keep his hair the best with black in the center and gray on the sides by his ears on his left and right. Now what might he be using you may be asking. Romney uses Just for Men. Several of them have been products just for him and it is only allowed to be used for only Romney. Several of them include as these pictured below

He also had a special skin product called Just for Mitt.

2012 Election To Failure

On June 2, 2011 Romney announced that he would run for president of America in which his dream was to lose like he did as a child in Mexico. Mexico watched their president for life sweep nearly every state, get the nomination as the official hope to be winner of the race. He challenged America’s president for life Barack Obama to beat him and throw him out of office but he lost to the most powerful black man in the world. He had many motives to get the win such as these below.

Campaign Motives

He first campaigned in his home country of Mexico and promised that if they vote for him he would have these future plans for the country

  • Make Mexico overthrow the United States and call it The United Mexican States.
  • Mexico would be powerful than America

But however when it came to election night millions of supporters casted their vote but it was illegal since the voting took place in the U.S. and it could not have been accepted so Romney secretly mailed the votes to him and added them to his vote count as official.

Obama Poster

Romney got a huge endorsement from the New York Post saying that he was their only hope. They had his photo on the front cover and a poster of him similar to Obama’s Hope poster. But the only difference was that it had Romney and words saying Only Hope. Take a look

But the truth was that Mitten had sent a group of agents he hired to force the Post to endorse him for President. When Obama found about this his agents killed the Romney’s agents so no more harm could be done by the Mexican.

Cereal Interview

Another motive was a radio interview in which he replied answering questions about his favorite cereal and his eating cereal before bed. In Mexico people were shocked to hear about it since cereal is nearly extinct. After that had become popular Romney released a new cereal called Marshmallow Mittens which re-started the cereal business in Mexico and overnight it became the #1 cereal in the nation.

Toothpaste Logo

In the 12′ election he decided to release his logo for the campaign which was the same as the Aquafresh logo which it became known as the Romney toothpaste logo. It however worked for the Aquafresh as sales jumped 40% in America since many of them didn’t want to encourage their support for him and his logo since they wanted to defend the toothpaste brand and calling the logo proof that he will steal and cheat behind your back.

Jimmy Fallon

During the intense moment of the race Mitt hired actor Jimmy Fallon to run for president as him on his show and in real life. But however after he lost the election he fired him saying to him exactly “You’re just like the 47 percent, [Bleep] You, You cost me the election and now go [Bleep] yourself”. After that both people parted ways forever never to speak to each other again.

Romnesia

Soon there was an epidemic causing many people to vote for Obama as people came down with a disease called Romnesia. After doctors all over the country clarified the illness to be somewhat exactly like the flu. Some people never lived mostly of those being the 47%. Here are some effects of it

Romney later had a treatment for the illness but it would use mind control so people could vote for him as his secret slogan was called “Believe in Romnesia”.

Money Enterprise

Romney became rich after immigrating to the U.S. He led Bain Capital and it’s affiliate Bain & Company to be a rich business politician like in corrupt countries. His plans were to not release his Tax Returns expect for only 2011. But he did not want to show the world what was on it. Especially his spending on his mansion, car elevator and money resting in the Cayman Islands and in Switzerland. He had over billions of dollars in each place just relaxing in paradise. He made more money in one year than any other rich person in the world. Here’s a look at his real tax returns and his secret bank account

Many drawers of money in his Swiz Bank Account

Mansion and features

His mansion is worth more than any other in the world. His home includes a car elevator for his Cadillacs and mustangs. It drops them off at certain floors for cars. It takes him forever to decide which car to drive. His home as many bedrooms, pools, bathrooms, kitchens, movie theaters, all the cool stuff even stadiums and what every cool type of mansion needs. This is what is real house looks like

Ownership of MLB Teams

Romney’s other campaign motive was to buy two baseball teams and sign players with major money contracts and bust the deals so he could collect all the money from the contracts with the players into his back pocket. He first bought ownership of the Boston Red Sox in 2012. He then later bought ownership of the Miami Marlins in the same year and signed many players to long deals as he did with Boston and traded them to other teams creating busts in contracts. So he got so much money that baseball couldn’t charge for embezzlement and fraud when it came to the money so he got away with the biggest scheme since Bernie Madoff’s connection with the Mets.

Romney Thinking: I will get all the money from the big name players contract and then do the same thing with the Miami Marlins.

After successfully doing so he partied with Madoff and with Ken Lay at the Cayman’s for committing fraud for millions of dollars as cheap easy money into their wallets.

First Debate Success

Since Romney had challenged Obama to be president he called upon a deal to have 3 debates to grant him some victory. In the first debate Obama looked a little tired as Romney kept biting his ass and he eventually won the first debate which resulted in many parties in Mexico, Cayman Islands and in his Swiss Bank Account building. With that much success at the RNC he danced his way out as the cool man and won the votes because of that entrance in which many were young voters.

Ask Mitt Anything

During the election in which he wonderfully failed Mitt launched a press conference for him and people called Ask Mitt “Anything”. The whole point was to ask him what are his plans for the country while he becomes president but it was to ask Mitt none of the topics that are tossed around in debates. So you actually don’t ask him anything, he’s the one that asks the questions and talks about what he wants and not you. The topics that were banned are below in the official image.

Shoe Shine

When he was on the campaign trail he encountered a 47% airport worker (aka:Dependent on the government) who was shining his shoes. Although they claimed that it was part of their security measure but we know and Mitt knows that it was to serve him. After he shined both shoes completely Mitt gave him 100 grand in a roll since they rely on the government for money way too much. Upon after that he was allowed to move onward to his failing campaign.

“That’s right boy shine it nice and clean and I will give you 100 grand”.

Plan to Kill Big Bird

During the first debate Mitt Romney waged war on PBS as he proposed to get rid of Big Bird by subsiding the network. This meant that Romney would fight in a new war entitled the PBS Civil War. The war itself lasted when Romney decided to pay off his enemies with 14 million dollars and upon taking the bribe it help Mitt create his own foreign policy plan.

PBS Civil War
Date October 3, 2012-November 6, 2012
Location United States
Result Mitt Romney bribes PBS and peace quickly reunites
Territorial
changes
None: Status quo
Combatants
  • Mitt Romney
  • Big Bird:
  • PBS
  • Cast of Sesame Street
Strength
 1 12 (Main Muppets)
Casualties
Romney Side:
  • Just votes for the election

Sesame Street

  • None

Civilian dead:

  • None

Total dead:Mitt Romney’s Votes

 Post-2012 Election To Failure

King & Pretend President

After the election, in his post-election loss he fell into depression. To cheer him up his money from both the Cayman Islands and Swiz Bank Account made a surprise visit. This did cheer him up but this lead him to create his plan to be the first Presidential King of the Cayman Islands for life. Since he was Mexican President for life, he invaded the Islands in the Mexican Invasion of the Cayman Islands. The war lasted for 6 days as the Islands 99% supported Romney to rule them as King/President.

Mexican Invasion of the Cayman Islands
Date November 6, 2012-November 12, 2012
Location Cayman Islands
Result Mexican Victory under Romney
Territorial
changes
Mexico: Gains Cayman Islands
Combatants
  • Mitt Romney
  • Mexican Forces:
  • Army
  • Marines
  • Air Force
  • Cayman Military:
  • Army
  • Marines
  • Air Force
Strength
 1 million in each sector  3,000 in each sector
Casualties
Mexico (Romney):
  • None

Cayman Islands

  • All Troops executed

Civilian dead:

  • 14

Total dead:9,014

After the success of the war Mitt ran for the office to be the nations first Presidential King for life which mocked his opponent Obama as he was the President for Life of America. He was easily reelected and began his term on November 16, 2012 which came 4 days after winning the invasion. Mitt became the first in history to lead two countries for life during both positions in each office. At the same time he was Mexico’s President for life and Presidential King of the Cayman Islands for life. The island nation added him to the money pictured as a war general who saved the nation. He also had 2 posters to be elected King.

Poster #1

Poster #2

The King’s Official Portrait.

Romney had run unopposed in what was the shortest election in history which lasted 3 days for voting and the 4th day for inaugurating the new leader. There were several problems that faced him and plans that had fixed them in a list of steps called the Romney Land Constitution.

Plans

  1. Unite Mexico and Cayman Islands together to create the Romney Land Empire
  2. Create the Presidential King Position/Party as the only party with myself in it as the only member
  3. You are Presidential King (mostly king) for life and no one is higher than you and you have all the power.

Later amendments were added forming straight out of the plans.

Amendments

  1. Presidential King Romney is the highest law of the land. No one is above him, All the power is for him, No bodies/branches of government are allowed.
  2. Mormon Religion is the official religion of the empire.
  3. Presidential King Romney will and shall be addressed as Sir Presidential King Romney as the official addressment title to King Romney. Minor titles such as Sir Lord Romney and Lord Romney will be addressed only in court of law matters and if not or used outside of the court of law will be punishable by life in imperial prison.
  4. King Romney is the only member of the Presidential King Party and is the highest party in the land and no political parties are to be established.
  5. Romney Land Empire will remain united with the two provinces of (Mexico and Cayman Islands).
  6. Separation of Romney Land Empire is intolerable and forbidden under this constitution and those who do try will be sentenced to the death penalty.
  7. The Death Penalty is allowed and a person (s) who seems to be fit for it will be decided by Lord Romney.
  8. All legal matters in court cases will be decided by Sir Lord Romney as he is the only and official Judge, Jury and Executioner.
  9. Insulting the King and anything related is illegal and terms of punishment is either life in imperial prison or the death penalty.
  10. Specific insultations that are illegal are graffiti on posters of Sir Lord Romney will be punishable by either life in imperial prison or the death penalty.
  11. The Romney Force is the official police force in both provinces of Mexico and Cayman Islands and they can do anything they wish to do so.
  12. Insulting the Romney Force will be punished by either life in imperial prison or the death penalty.
  13. Freedom Limitations:
    • No speech of any freedoms other than those listed in this and only constitution.
    • No assembly, petition and unions in labor force allowed. This includes protest and movements/revolutions against Sir Lord Romney.
    • No movement to have first amendment freedoms listed in the Constitution of the United States of America.
    • Nothing can be said against this constitution, Sir Lord Romney and the Romney Force.
  14. Amendments represent the constitutionality of Presidential King Romney under his authority as Presidential King for life of the Romney Land Empire are approved by him and can/will be changed to his liking.

Moves as Pretend President

Still facing the battle against the depression from losing the election and after immediately establishing himself as Presidential King of the Cayman Islands and uniting both Mexico and the Islands as one under the Romney Land Empire he later won the election to be the first Pretend President of the United States. Basically what the man in his position does is what he wants to do since he is only “Pretending” (according to Mitt on what a president does for his country) to do what any other normal/good president would do which is make the country advance a little more each day. The policy of his terms state he can give up whenever he wants to for the position and this position will be abolished.

After every 4 years Mitt has to renew his Pretend Presidency just like if a real president of the United States would do. Since there is no election process he has to file legal paperwork to make it official and legal in the name of the court of law.

So far he hasn’t done much and here is in a video recapping what he has done so far in his new line of work.

Mormon Religion

Since birth in Mexico his hometown of some place named Taco was invaded by Christians who forced people to change from Mormon beliefs to Christianity. However refusing the Mormons and Christians fought a war in which Jesus told them to ask the Jews to get involved and they did. Upon the war effort from the Jews, the Jews took the side of the Mormons which resulted in war between the 2 side of the religion groups. 14 months later Mormons claimed victory and drove the Christ lovers out. Then some months later they turned on the Jews and drove them out as well. At last the Mormons ruled the Taco place as they had for millions of years and more to come. The man who lead the fight was Romney’s father George W. Romney. George was addicted to the Mormon religion that he created Mormonphine. A drug that got people addicted to the religion as if they were with their 40-60 women they were married to.

On January 1, 1963 till his death in July 26, 1995, Romney’s father became Mexico’s first president for life in which he made the Mormon religion the official religion. When Mitt became the second Mexican President for life after taking his father’s position (January 1, 2003-present) he yet again made the Mormon religion the official religion of the country. After all he had used his Mormon powers to give spark to his team winning in his Olympics career in which he lighted the torch (seen above in the beginning to the page). After he led Mexico to gain the Cayman Islands he united the two to be part of the Romney Land Empire and the religion is the official religion as said in the 2nd amendment of the Romney Land Constitution. The success lead to the play about Mitt’s role as a Mormon entitled The Mormon Moment”. The play under Presidential King Romney was well received and given 4 stars and was a hit the provinces of Mexico and the Cayman Islands as it was the #1 play for 14 weeks in a row straight and it still is with viral intensity gone down.

Mitt Romney Style 

A YouTube video made of Mitt in a spoof of Gangnam Style. When Mitt watched the video he was so angered by it that since everything in it was true he banned the video from the empire. All the topics in the video were all mentioned during the 2012 election and thus were true. See it for yourself

That’s All!

Well we hoped you enjoyed this fantastic page on Mitt Romney. We have worked for at least 2 1/2 months on this project and now it pays off.

Thank You!

One Response to “The Culture of Mitt Romney”

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